| 5 entries | | |  | | | | What a night | wrote | | Went out last night, got drunk and ended up with an enormous gash on my head.
She went home after brekky
;0) | | | | | Ode to a loved one | wrote | | There once was a (lady) named Tamps
Who persistently pestered old tramps
She'd nick all their tins
Open her pins
And shove them up till her fanny got cramps | | | | | AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME TIPS | wrote | | 1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN
YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.
2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK.
4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE | | | | | One for the week | wrote | | | Delivery man calls at a house. The door is opened by a 7 year old boy wearing stockings, suspenders, bra, panties and stilletoes. Cigar in his left hand and glass of whisky in his right. Delivery man says, Is your mum in? Boy answers, Does it fucking look like it? | | | | | Road to Damascus | wrote | | Have you ever laid alone in your bed at night, when the dark outside is still and even the owls are content just to silently contemplate the moon? The only sounds are the regular beat of your own heart, the soft inhalation/exhalation and the occasional rustle of covers as you adjust your position minutely for fear of disturbing this wonderful sense of peace.
Then you fart and it kind of ruins the moment doesn't it. Still better out than in, eh? | | | | | 5 entries | | |
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